Testing, Testing… I need to pee.

I needed to hike ASAP to make sure my new boots were as suitable as they felt in the shop, even though the store guy allowed me to do the rest of my shopping wearing them – which meant I had them on for a total of half an hour.

Me and my lovely pal Sophie decided to do a shortie hike in the Lincolnshire Wolds, specifically the circular through Fulletby, Tetford, Belchford and the Hamlet of Salmonby, following the Viking pass for some of the route.



We started a littlllleeee on the late side (12:30pm), but it wasn’t a long walk and we had barely anything to carry. It was however a miserable 0 degree day ,with whipping wind and rain for half of the time and we were mainly walking through open, flat fields. Lesson one for me – in rain and wind, leggings are NOT going to cut it. Especially the Hypercool (d’oh) ones I’d unthinkingly chosen to wear. We were 15/20 minutes in and I could feel my thighs were wind-scorched, luckily I DID have the common sense to bring a second pair with me for extra insulation and I was more than fine after putting them on, but for the trail I will be getting some semi-waterproofs to act as a wind barrier. *Disclaimer, TMI moment*: I also learnt, well, not learnt, because it’s been a life-long thing for me, but more that I had a stark realisation of how much my constant peeing is going to affect me, my partner and my timing on the trail. I mean, being a thing I’ve lived with for a long time now I can really bang out a pee in super-quick-time, but when you’re going into the double figures (yep, really) per day the time stacks up well into the minutes! It is only logical that I invest my money, and invest it wisely…


We stopped for a tactical Pint (and a half, come on it was a Saturday and a recreational-hike) in The White Hart Inn in a village we stomped through – Tetford. We found it after hanging around a junction in the pissing rain Google-mapping. A man driving past laughing to himself, finding amusement at the sight of us, probably didn’t realise that we genuinely, the masochists we are, find this kind of thing fun. Anyway, the place was bloody glorious as a stopping point for the sodden walker – a log fire, local ales, beers and folklore, a very traditionally-English-looking Spaniel, and, of course, a donated decorative chastity belt.

We lobbed some logs on the fire, dried off our legs, listened to the landlord’s anecdotes, downed our ale and got back out.

It had stopped raining altogether when we got back out into it, but the ground was absolutely sodden and boggy, with deep puddles and sludge galore. My beautiful Mammut boots withstood it all though. They were comfy from the get-go and didn’t let a drop of water in. Thank you Gore-Tex!! After removing my boots at the end of the day I did notice a blister had formed on the top of my wee toe, but this can certainly be put down to the socks (a non-engineered, non-specialist pair I grabbed from the drawer) which I will of course NOT be wearing for my AT hike.

It took us, not counting the stop, 3 hours to do the 7 miles. We walked a fairly leisurely pace and stopped for a fair few photos, along with a very important ascent up a Hay bale mountain to pose… and twerk. In which case, I’m hoping I can average 2 miles per hour out on the trail at least, taking my pack into account, which means it’ll take 6 hours hiking to achieve my desired 12 miles each day… I needs to get training harder and heavier on leg day at the gym to give myself some more power, and I need to order a She-wee yesterday are my main conclusions.



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